It’s not easy but you have to keep trying.

We have an innovative approach to spending as little money as possible at Fresh Milk Software – we are always thinking of ways to cut costs. So, we run all of our telephones through Ring Central and connect to it via a wonky Huawei router we had shipped from Hong Kong with a 4G SIM. 95% of the time it works very well. We all connect to the internet through it too. It helps that there is an O2 antennae on the top of our office and on a good day we can get a 50MBit download.

However, we get a few problems because the network tariffs haven’t adapted to this new set-up (which I suspect is being replicated in pockets all over London) and we can only get a maximum of 12GB of data per month from O2. Then we have to swap the SIM card over to EE. We get a max of 25Mbit from EE which is OK but their network goes over more easily than an old lady on ice.

So, we spend plenty of time with their customer service department which is great experience for us on how not to engage with your customers if you want to keep any. But today we had a conversation that beggars belief but it was quite amusing none the less. It went something like this (though without the 20 minute wait at the start)

Simon: Hello, I’m calling because I can’t get onto any sites on the internet. I keep getting an alert that tells me ‘The website you’re trying to access is blocked by EE’s Content Lock system because it contains copy that’s unsuitable for under 18s’.

Operator: Yes I know, I couldn’t get onto Facebook this morning either and I called up myself. Someone has blocked everyone’s site and they don’t know how to fix it.

Simon: Oh, OK. I see. Do you know when it will be fixed?

Operator: Sorry, I just don’t know.

Simon: OK, well while you’re here I can’t get into my account either, can you help me with that?

Operator: Can you give me your number?

Simon: OK, it’s blah blah blah

Operator: OK, no. I’ll have to put you through to the technical department, please hold.

Operator 2: Hello, can I take your number please?

Simon: I’ve just given it to the last guy to get through to you?

Operator 2: Sorry, I don’t have it.

Simon: OK, it’s blah blah blah

Operator 2: Great, so how can I help?

Simon: Yes, I can’t get into my account.

Operator 2: I know, no-one can. It’s broken.

Simon: I see but this isn’t the first time, I tried 2 weeks ago.

Operator 2: Yes, it’s been broken for 2 weeks now. They’re trying to fix it.

Simon: I see. So, that’s broken as well.

Operator 2: Why what else is broken?

Simon: The content blocker is blocking me from getting onto the internet.

Operator 2: Yes, sorry about that, no-one can get onto Facebook, they’re trying to fix it now.

Simon: You know that to be honest your website isn’t very good and it is never seems to work properly at the best of times.

Operator 2: Yes, I know, we get a lot of complaints about it. I wish they would fix it because people keep ringing in.

End of conversation.

Everyone Everywhere is the slogan, the reality today at any rate is No-one No-where.

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